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There is a world of difference between the old, ignorant fetishist and the average guy I've met who dates Asian women.

In the areas of California where I grew up, where Asians range from 20 to 50% of the student population, a college-age male would have to make an active effort to exclude Asian females from their dating pool. But by constantly projecting this idea that men who specifically like Asian women are creepers, we risk making otherwise decent, respectable guys avoid dating Asian girls for fear of being labeled a creeper -- .

Instead, they characterize it as “yellow fever” and accuse people like me of having some sort of fetish, think that we’re looking for an easy way out, that we’ve taken mail-order brides, or that it’s just “because we couldn’t get a white woman.” Or worse, they assume the Asian woman is a victim and is being taken advantage of. Or contrarily, it means that she is taking advantage of him for a green card.

I’ve gotten the raised eyebrow from men who have never left the Rust Belt when I tell them I used to live in Bangkok, a city they believe to be one big whorehouse filled with Thai women who were born to serve.

That racism doesn’t always come from overtly prejudiced groups like the Klan, neo-Nazis bent on racial purity, or uptight Bible-thumpers. White women in the ultra-liberal California city of San Francisco who pride themselves on tolerance gave my wife and I the evil eye because we are a mixed-race couple. They assume that the Asian woman is incapable of making her own decisions and is in need of their smug, self-serving protection, and that’s the worst kind of racism there is.

Most of the time we get the evil eye from people who are otherwise accepting and liberal refuse to accept the fact that I may just be in love with an Asian woman. Although they may not say it out loud, their looks say,“… There is an inherent assumption that if a white man is with an Asian woman, it automatically means that he is taking advantage of her and she is unable of making intelligent decisions on her own.

Yes, like every big city in the world, Bangkok does have a red light district, but for the most part Thai culture is conservative and very spiritual.When I thought about my burgeoning crush for Tian, I figured it was no different from that college semester when I studied in Spain.All the American girls I knew liked flirting with the local Spaniards, and why not?And in my experience, they're often no worse than many Asian girls themselves.The problem I see is that this constant espousal of the stereotype of men who like Asian women oversimplifies complicated race, gender and sexual politics, and actually the dating prospects of Asian females and non-Asian males alike.

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